I haven’t dreamed in three years. Tonight my extended family assisted with my nightly nursing, to allow me a chance to rest. I lay in the bed near her and Lucho, afraid to go too far away because of the uncertainty of his condition. I lay down, not feeling like sleep, but sensing that if I didn’t let her assist, I will create a wedge of disrespect for her desire to help. Although she may not be able to recognize a seizure if he had one, I planned for the hours he least has one so that all could be at ease and comfortable in our intentions.
As I waited for sleep, I sensed my eyes going black and the weight of my eyelids feeling as if they were going to slam shut. I was in a deep, dark void for much of the time, thinking how quickly the wave of sleep can hit a person regardless of intent. My dream had me at a park with people leisurely walking around. Few children were seen. Lucho was with me, but it was time for us to leave, and suddenly it seemed I had much to carry, including Lucho. He was young, maybe three or four, but for some reason, he was unable to walk. I wasn’t allowed to take him with me and had to leave him, while I tried to put things away in the car.
When I turned around to check on him, he was gone. I called and called, my mother’s panic rising. I thought I heard him and called again. I heard him say, “Dee-ah”. I thought, maybe his daddy picked him up, but when I called, he didn’t answer. Running with panic and fear, I called Lucho many times and ran closer to his response.
A man in his 60s was holding him. As he saw me approaching, he said, ” We found him this way.” I saw cuts on his arm, his head badly bruised, eye swollen and only his diaper left on him for clothes. I took Lucho from this man, who seemed to have rescued my baby, with caution in my eyes.
Upon waking, my heart raced and my breathing was erratic. I looked in on Lucho. He was laying in his bed, peacefully resting. Relieved my experience was only a dream, I lay down. The first dream in almost three years, I stopped to reflect on his progress and how long this journey has become. Dreams happen for a reason. They allow our deepest inner thoughts to communicate with our conscious self; the self that makes all kinds of decisions.