Category Archives: family

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Diligence

As a little girl, I had a pet cat, which came to be mine through my mom’s second marriage. I enjoyed this cat name Kid because it taught me responsibility and was so much fun to play. I taught it to do ‘jack-in-the-box’ and scare my brother. Kids was the firs pet to teach me responsibility. My affinity for cats lasted more than twenty years.

Every pet thereafter was a cat. When I went to teach in Colombia, I raised four kittens without their mother, when they were recently born and still without sight. I kept them in a box with soft towels, and a baby doll bottle to feed them milk, until they were old enough to go to new homes. I was their surrogate. I fell in love with one of the kittens and kept her for myself.

Cats were a successful pet for me. They were always easy to care for and easy to play with. Litter boxes and food left in their bowls allowed me the easy freedom of singleness. They would wait for my return, always happy to see me as they walked up to push against my pant leg. Cats allowed me the flexibility of caring as a parent with the not-yet ready for the responsibility of true parenthood.

Since my true inducement into parenthood, I’ve come to be the dog lady. I did have a puppy years ago, but failed at my attempt of diligence at being a parent to my puppy, Maxwell. I gave him away, but never forgot my inability to be diligent and learn how to be a good dog owner. I look back and feel as though it could have been different.

Now it is different. I have two dogs which were rescued through the sheriff’s program. I’ve become a dog lady instead of a cat lady. I find it interesting when I reflect on how things change and turn for our better development. While being a mom of three boys, I’ve learned much about being a diligent parent. Moms almost always make comparative notes with other moms to decide and measure one’s caliber as a parent.

With the arrival of our new pets, I learned from my failed experience with Max. I learned that I needed to be trained with my pets so that we could live harmoniously. If it weren’t for the cost, I’m sure there would be more training to learn on all parts. Now, not only am I finding that diligence doesn’t stop with children. It continues with the dogs. Because the cats are more “independent” in their nature, the dependence dogs have on their owners is almost synonymous to children and their mothers. Happily, as my boys grow into adolescence and on to adulthood, I have our four-legged friends to keep life happening. The boys are better attached than before Angel and Daisy.

Even though my boys are becoming more independent, my diligence in character and discipline continues. Now it extends beyond three boys to include two females. While working hard to form good citizens, I am working to form well-mannered pups. The continuity of parenting children and pups seems synonymous. Thankfully, practice makes perfect.

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“Help!”

Lucho has improved incredibly through his rehabilitation since he acquired a traumatic brain injury in 2013. His hyperactivity is his strength because his drive to be mobile exceeds all other tasks he may attempt. He started attending public school this year on a part time basis, allowing him to be counted for attendance and receive his therapies and FAPE (Free Access to Public Education). I drive him to school so that his access to education isn’t taken up in transportation. In his class are other students unique like himself. There are currently nine students in his class when he attends. He started with five classmates. He has one teacher and an assistant in his classroom at all times. Each classmate requires direct attention for feeding, changing, comforting, moving and teaching. His classmates are nonverbal, just like him. If there is a problem, discomfort or seizure, he and his classmates depend upon the attentive eyes of the adults present. There are only two adults present everyday. Occasionally, there are three adults in the room.

Lucho and his classmates use wheelchairs to move around. Many of his classmates can not propel their own chair. Lucho learns and practices propelling his chair according to his immediate wants. Most often he will impulsively move his chair toward his immediate want. Currently, there are nine wheelchairs in a room with a size of 20’x23′. I asked if there is a limit or ratio of teacher to student for the school district. I was told there is not. This means that as more parents with medically fragile students need to work because there isn’t any other means to provide for their child, they will have to enroll their medically fragile child in school. While I am confident in the teacher and her assistant, who has almost thirty years experience, I have concern about the amount of students who may arrive due to economic circumstances and life as it happens.

When I discussed this with friends and family, my husband didn’t seem at all alarmed. He said, “All they have to do is call 911.” I thought on this. Yes, this is true, but given the development of children and my son’s hyperactivity and easy ability toward boredom, this may cause a problem for him and them.

When I picked him up from school the other day, I was informed that he couldn’t keep his hands to himself. He was pinching others. Oooh, I thought. This isn’t good. It’s not fair to the others because they can’t pull away from him. In a regular classroom, he would receive a time out. He did. In a regular classroom, the other children would have moved away from him or told the teacher. His classmates can’t do this.

I have to ask myself is this is fair to anyone? According to ed.gov:

” An “appropriate” component means that this education must be designed to meet the individual educational needs of the student as determined through appropriate evaluation and placement procedures. However, students with disabilities must be educated with students without disabilities to the maximum extent appropriate.” <https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/frontpage/pro-students/issues/dis-issue03.html&gt;

I agree with FAPE and its purpose, however, I wish it were clearer by stating a ratio of  student to teacher. I fear that the natural events of the economy and legislature changes with Medicaid and Social Security will cause these small units to swell beyond what is appropriate. I fear that my son may express himself, which may or may not be appropriate because he will show his frustration regardless of what is considered appropriate student behavior.

My fear and concern is for my son’s teacher, who is given more and more students on her class roster. A person can only push two wheelchairs in the event of a fire alarm or a lock-down. If one teacher is given nine students in wheelchairs and one or two assistants to help with student care and teaching, how many students will be left without someone to take them to safety? And will the door already be open?

I hope that the school district will open another unit, rather than over-crowd an already existing medically fragile unit. It’s not FAPE and it’s not fair to over-crowd a classroom of medically fragile children who are in different stages of rehabilitation. How will annual growth happen to my child if he doesn’t have the academic and personal stimulation of a teacher to help him grow? I hope the school and the district will seek to be proactive toward a situation that will continue to grow. Legislators have a way of affecting others without realizing. I hope there will be more medically fragile classrooms within this school district so that medically fragile students can obtain FAPE without risk of neglect.

Under Title II, they have a rights to communication in ” related aids and services designed to meet the student’s individual educational needs as adequately as the needs of nondisabled students are met.” <https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/504faq.html&gt;.  While this may mean additional assistants, it should include teachers and communication devices.

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Mother’s Day

The angled cut of her white curles told of changing texture and managability. The slight looseness of her cheeks as she studied her reading with serious lips of concentration expressed more gravity than before. Her glasses made her brown eyes larger showing flecks of more hazel than brown. When she looked up from her reading, I saw a contentness-to-be in the moment.

As we drove back from church along the river, we noticed women of all ages out on the house porches and balconies or making their way to the bank to absorb the bright, cheerful, warm sunshine of the Sunday afternoon.

“Oh! What a glorious day!” she cheered.

“Memere. Look at that house there!” shouted Jay from the back seat.

“How wonderful!” she responded. “It’s very big!”

Reminiscent of the long-ago Sunday drives through the neighborhoods of big houses and big yards, green grass and beautiful lawn furniture I enjoyed as a young girl, the oohs and ahhs of another generation could be heard. While Sam slept because the winding of the road was making him woozy, we continued our ooohs and ahhhs, enjoying the designs and expressions of creativity of your own property. Years ago, the same conversation could be heard as I thought about the generations in the car. My boys, her grandsons, miles and miles apart came together to continue strenthening the connection of historical significance that each family strives for itself.

“Weee-eee–eee!” cheered Lou as we sloped over each hill and bump. I felt huge satisfaction as I listened to his expressions of happiness and his participation meant three generations made a stronger connection. We felt as though the many miles which exist didn’t make the distance in today’s daily living so vast. We were enjoying each other’s company. Our interactions made me feel as though there weren’t any distances between us, geographical or generational. Our emotions of happiness to be together surpassed any length of road.